Marriage Magic

Photo Credit:  Jared Lind on Unsplash

As we become immersed in this holiday season we are drawn to the magic.  Recall the wonder and awe of your childhood, reindeers that fly and a Santa who made dreams come true.  Fast-forward several decades.  Remember the rush of feelings when you knew your spouse was ‘the one‘.  You reveled in discovering this person who showered you with love and support.

Years later:  Reality check:  Cinderella and Prince Charming is a Fairy Tale.  No  one is perfect and no spouse magically  walks on water.  Enter life with its busyness, stress and an ever-increasing number of social media relationships to distract us.  We change.  Our relationship evolves.

But we don’t have to lose the magic.  Marriage magic  can be like a fine wine maturing with age.  Google “Wine Making 101”.  It’s complicated — just like marriage.  But with a little TLC and practice both are possible.  For us, choosing to see the goodness in each other and sharing those special qualities with each other is crucial to keeping the magic alive.

(MF)  At the end of the day, I want nothing more than to curl up with Tom and re-charge.  Once rested, I can feel the magic we share.  Whether it’s Tom’s thoughtfulness in the office, his joy arriving home, his cheerfulness in the kitchen or the twinkle in his eye at my suggestion to go to bed early.  Sharing my appreciation of these qualities with him as I awaken grounds my day in gratitude.  Grounded in reality.  What we have is our reality.  It doesn’t change the reality of oversights, my To-Do List, or kittens racing across the dining room table.  But my outlook changes when my attitude is one of gratitude.  Starting my day focused on the goodness that Tom brings to my life is magical for me.

(TOM)  Gratitude for me is appreciating the gifts in my life.  I have so much to be grateful for, but the top of my list is being loved by MF.  Expressing my gratitude in word and action with affirmation and upholding my commitments reflects back to MF the effect of her love for me.  It allows me to be a more generous lover.  When I’m spontaneous in sharing my joy or when I treat MF as the gift she is in my life the magic returns.  The real magic is love and acting on it.

Photo Credit: Cathal Mac an Bheatha on Unsplash

Pining, longing, and wondering “What if?” can be an invitation to look elsewhere to fulfill unmet desires.  Gratitude doesn’t have to stifle your growth and lead to complacency.  Let gratitude energize you.  It has been said:  “What we focus on will change what we observe around us.”  In this season of giving, focus on the gift of your spouse.  Keep the magic alive.