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Sex on Days Ending in ‘Y’
Photo Credit: Benjaminrobyn Jespersen Lovemaking is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. Yet there are so many impediments and inhibitions to making love once those wonderful Honeymoon years are over.
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Marriage ScoreCard
Photo Credit: Steve Halama You may have heard marriage described as a 50/50 proposition with each partner contributing 50% to equal the presumed goal of 100%. While marriage is not a game, it is common to judge our effort like contestants in a competition.
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Marriage is a VERB
Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”
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The Secret Recipe of Intimacy
Photo Credit: Soroush Karimi In our last post we hinted at the complexity of intimacy, especially in the context of forgiveness and healing (1/13/19). Intimacy involves more than sex. In fact sex can sometimes be anything but intimate. Many authors and psychologists speak of at least 4 components to deep and sustained intimacy. They often include emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical intimacy. We like to think of this as the ‘Secret Recipe.’ To achieve this Intimacy we both need to desire and be willing to work towards intimacy.
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Lovemaking in the Context of Healing
A wonderful aspect of our lovemaking is the emotional bonding that is such a gift to our relationship. This intimate bonding can enable healing after conflict and even in the midst of conflict. Lovemaking can be like a dance, one may pursue while the other hesitates. Often I find lovemaking opens me to intimacy while Mary Frances finds she needs to experience intimacy to be open to lovemaking. The “dance” is meeting enough in the middle that this mystery can continue to enrich our marriage.
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Count Down to Christmas — TMI!
The weeks before Christmas can be hectic, creating tension in the best of marriages. We get wrapped up in the craziness of the season and the stress of work and family. The To Do List grows: last minute gifts to purchase and cards to mail, cleaning, baking and one more party to attend. Christmas can become a project that is never done! Thank goodness for deadlines; they can be a godsend.
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Arguing is Not the Enemy!
Have you ever heard a couple say, “We never argue”? They have perfected the “Yes, Dear,” and the rest of us just roll our eyes.
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Holiday Traditions
With the arrival of fall our thoughts turn to spiced cider, hearty soups and gathering of family and friends. As husband and wife we are often rooted in diverse family traditions. Deciding how to celebrate the holidays can be a source of stress and conflict.
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Date Nights
In July we wrote a post on Romance, simple and spontaneous. We described it as a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love and remoteness from every day life and promised a post on dating. One of our favorite quotes from Mignon McLaughlin, author and journalist is: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” This is why “Date Nights” are so important. They take us back to why we fell in love all over again. Everyday “Romance” makes us crave those “Date Nights.” We have found both to be important in our 38 plus years of marriage.
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Empathy, Is It Contagious? For You Baby…
Destination Weddings are a trend. Mary Frances and I attended one on the Mexican Riviera that was wonderful. It is ironic though to plan and celebrate a wedding as a destination when marriage, like graduation is the commencement of a life-long journey.
