Does Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

This past week we had to spend time apart as Jen traveled cross-country to spend some time helping her sister. When we spend time apart, there is a natural distance between us. Time apart can put a strain on our relationship. It is the combination of not being together, combined with the stress of travel on the one away and the stress of holding down the fort on the one who stays at home.

Nick: It strikes me immediately how out of sorts I feel when Jen is away. Every little way I take her for granted moves from the background into sharp focus. There’s no dividing and conquering household work any longer. I get impatient and our kids notice things just aren’t the same. And I really don’t like trying to go to sleep at night without Jen beside me. The best we can do is send a few texts and have a short Zoom conversation near the end of each day. It’s far from normal.

Jen: In the past, time apart was almost always due to Nick’s travel for work. This year I have done more traveling than Nick, and this week was my fourth trip away this year. These trips have given me a new appreciation for Nick’s experiences with work-travel. It is very easy to get caught up in where I am and what I’m doing. It can be difficult to bring my mind fully back to home when I am away. I have found that if I let myself just be consumed with where I am, I don’t function as well. I need the call back to where home-base is, because that is where I draw strength.

How Being Apart Opens My Eyes When We’re Back Together

Nick: When I am back with Jen after a weeklong trip, I feel immensely relieved. I make a point of telling her how I missed her and giving her a long hug in the airport. She’s still the same person, but I see her with a renewed appreciation. I find myself savoring especially the first couple of days we spend together. I want to appreciate those times as much as I can, as it’s very easy to get used to having each other around again as life goes back to normal.

Choosing Not to Take Each Other for Granted

Jen: The moral of the story is that we need to work at staying connected however we can when we are apart, and when we get back together, we need to give ourselves the time to re-acquaint. This week, we made a point of going on a date the day after I got back. Because we take the time to connect every day while we are apart, our date was more of an “I can hold your hand instead of just hearing your voice” time as opposed to a “We haven’t talked in days” time.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but only if you work at it. When we are apart, we make a point of connecting with each other every day with a full conversation, not just texts. We usually do this at the end of the day (depending on time zones). Our conversations at the end of the day are not the whole story. We text each other periodically, for information or just for fun, so that we are connecting and interacting throughout the day.

What about our readers? How do you keep in touch when you’re traveling apart from each other? What tips and tricks can you share with us and our other readers?