You Don’t Bring Me Flowers 💐

There’s an old Barbara Streisand / Neil Diamond song “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” that sometimes hops to mind when we’re in a rough patch or we see other couples we know in a rough spot. Who would know how much a simple gift can impact your relationship as a couple? But beware! Even bringing flowers home can be more complicated than you’d expect.

Real Job Means Real Flowers

Nick: True story. Jen and I married in college and did not have a lot of money. When I finally got my first real job, I resolved I was going to bring real flowers to my bride. I found a florist and would bring arrangements home to Jen on a whim. I wanted her to know I loved her and appreciated her, especially as we were starting our family. I had pictures in my head of Jen dealing with a fussy newborn, but then glancing over and seeing the flowers and it cheering her up just a little bit.

Jen: At first, I was delighted when Nick would bring me flowers for no reason at all. But as time went on, Nick’s surprise flowers started to stress me, especially since I was the one balancing the checkbook every month. On top of the money stress, I am distressed by clutter, and the number of vases that were accumulating in my storage cupboards began to bother me.

One day when Nick walked in with flowers and I saw yet another vase to add to my cupboard and another receipt to write into the checkbook, I felt distressed enough to say something. I started by thanking him for the surprise and telling him how beautiful the flowers were, but then I shared my worries about the cost and the clutter with him.

Wholesale Bunches

Nick: If Jen hadn’t had the courage to say something, I would not have guessed that bringing flowers home in vases was stressing her out. I admit I was tempted to say “fine! no flowers any more then!” But I didn’t want to give in to resentment. If there was a way to still bring Jen flowers that wouldn’t stress her out, I was game to do it. Now we have only a few vases around the house to put bunches in. Sometimes, I even add a bottle of wine – so long as it isn’t from the top shelf at the store.

Jen: When I think about the changes Nick made to fit my needs better, I melt. Now when Nick brings home a bunch of grocery-store flowers, I don’t just see the pretty bouquet he selected. Fewer vases and smaller price tags show me the thoughtfulness and selflessness of a man who doesn’t just tell me he loves me, but shows it to me by listening and taking action based on what he has heard.

Imperfect Gestures

It may not be flowers, but chances are there are imperfect, little ways your spouse is trying to show you they love you. Do you respond with gratitude, even if there is some way in which the gesture misses the mark? We encourage you to see the best intentions in your spouse in those moments and build your trust through appreciation of each other’s attempts to show love. Better that than ending up singing that old Streisand song.