Boomerang Baby

“Mom and Dad, would it be ok if I moved home for a while?” These words were the start of a brand-new chapter in our life.  Good-bye empty nest, hello boomerang baby.

Julie

The past three weeks have been a big adjustment since our adult daughter moved back into our home.  Sorting and shuffling “stuff “ to clear out her old bedroom was the easy part.   Awkwardly learning this new three-way dance has been a little harder. 

All of the old parental anxieties have come rushing back in.  Grilling her every time she steps out the door on where she’s going, who she’ll be with, and when she’ll be home is no longer appropriate – she’s a grown woman who has been living on her own for seven years.  This chapter is going to be very different from the chapter about the teenage years; yet, for now anyway, it doesn’t feel all that different.  When she was 1400 miles away, it was mostly out of sight, out of mind.  Now the worry meter is running constantly.

John

But the parental joys have also come rushing back.  We are so thankful that she felt comfortable enough to ask to come home and be with us while she sorts things out.  This is also a unique opportunity to really get to know our adult daughter better and to forge new bonds with her that will last a lifetime.  She has been a joy to have around by helping us with things around the house, filling our home with her beautiful music, and making us laugh.  

We’ve discovered a few things as we are learning this new three-way dance.  The most important step is that WE are still the priority.  While we have less freedom and privacy and have to be a little more discreet with our sexual relationship with a 20-something in the house, it is still a high priority.  We need to choose to take advantage of time when she is out with her friends and eventually at work to keep that sexual flame burning brightly.

Julie

Another important step in the dance with our boomerang baby is that communication is key – both between us and with her.  John and I need to stay on the same page as we help her find her way through this transitional period in her life.  We know that we need to keep our line of communication open with each other about how this is affecting us and what feelings we are encountering – both the positives and the stresses. 

When she was reverting into some of her teenage habits, it was like she stomped on our feet.  Ouch.  We called her out on it and had a frank conversation about our expectations and hers.  Hopefully this will lay the groundwork for a better understanding moving forward.  Talking with her about conflicts will allow us to resume the dance rather than bow out.  

John

R-E-S-P-E-C-T is another critical step in the dance.  Our daughter is an adult and wants to be treated with the respect and dignity she deserves, just as we do.  By respecting her privacy and choices and allowing her to be who she is, our relationship with her is growing beyond that of just our daughter.  It is growing into that of a friend.  What a wonderful gift. 

So while this new dance is at times awkward and painful, it is slowly getting easier and more natural.  It is turning into something beautiful.  Welcome home, boomerang baby!