Table Talk
Michelle:
For months, I had been telling Chris that the wobbly table needed to be fixed. Each evening, I would come home to find it still wobbled. How could this be? My husband is a carpenter. In my mind, I began to create a story. Chris wants to see how many times I’m going to bring it up. He is just trying to make me mad. Maybe, he doesn’t want to fix the table. I could go on and on with the stories I had…because remember, the table was wobbly for MONTHS. Finally, I made a decision. I was not going to bring the table up again, I just stopped commenting on the table. One morning, we sat down for breakfast.
Chris said, “Man, this table sure is wobbly. We should try to fix it.” “Are you kidding me?” I screamed. I will admit, this was not my finest moment, but come on. The table was wobbly for MONTHS! “What?” Chris asked innocently. “Maybe you didn’t hear me. I said WE should fix this.”
And so, together, we fixed the table. What lessons did I learn from this interaction? First, semantics are annoying. But also, that there are some important concepts that we must adjust to as a married couple in order to live a more harmonious life.
Chris:
- There is a Difference Between Telling and Asking–
Michelle thought, that because she had mentioned (repeatedly) the wobbly table, that she had asked me to fix it. There is a big difference between asking your spouse to do something and expecting your spouse to do something just because you said it. Just think, one of Michelle’s lessons could have been, “Ask and the table gets fixed a lot quicker…”
2. Being in a Relationship is More Important Than Being Right–
I get so much satisfaction from proving someone wrong. I have strong opinions. I love to debate everything and I will hold out for a long time when I believe I am right. I could have relished in being right and let the table stay wobbly. But I have learned this doesn’t work in our marriage. Preserving intimacy is more important to me than being right. So, while I knew she would have a reaction to my comment, I also knew, WE would be fixing the table.
Michelle:
3. Letting Things Fester is Not a Good Idea–
I had decided to dig my heels in and not say another word about the table. However, that behavior did not solve my annoyance at the table being wobbly, it did quite the opposite. The mere mention of the wobbly table pushed a button that I allowed to become armed and dangerous. While Chris’ response might have stung if I would have asked why he hadn’t fixed the table, I could have examined my behavior and adjusted my approach sooner. When we got married, people offered, “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” as their sage advice for staying married. We believe that this should be adjusted to, “Happy Spouse, Happy House” and a level table for all!
