In Sickness and In Health

Julie:  I’m sick. And tired.  And sick and tired of being sick and tired AGAIN.  I’m basically allergic to life, which causes frequent infections and debilitating migraine headaches.  John knew all this when he married me, and he cheerfully vowed to love me “in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live.” I’m pretty sure he had no idea what he was getting himself into. 

John: I’ll admit it – things can get challenging when Julie is sick.  She can be grumpy and irritable because she is so tired and not feeling well.  I sometimes am irritable right back (I’m ashamed to admit this- but it’s the ugly truth…).

Julie:  It’s actually pretty easy for me to love John when he’s sick, especially since he’s a pretty healthy guy.  It’s when I am sick or hurt that I struggle to live up to that vow.  After all, it goes both ways.  At these times, I can have the attitude of “I just don’t feel good, so I have a right to be rude.” It is an excuse to be short with John.  When I do this, I am not living out my vow. 

So, what CAN we do to help us to better live out this vow?

Be Empathetic

John:  I CAN choose to be empathetic and behave accordingly.  I can put myself in Julie’s shoes.  A little bit of empathy can go a long way in restoring harmony.

Let Go

Julie:  I CAN let go of blaming myself for being sick and remind myself that this is not my fault. When I recognize that I am feeling frustrated about being sick AGAIN, I CAN allow myself a pity party – for a finite period of time and that’s it.  I get it out of my system.  By letting go and accepting the situation for what it is, I am calmer, making it is easier to be loving towards John.

Embrace the Opportunity

John:  I CAN turn the situation on its head. Rather than treating Julie’s illness as something that we must suffer through and just endure, I can embrace it as an opportunity to live out the vow to love her “in sickness and in health”.  I can do this through gentleness, kindness, and attention to saying and doing things that demonstrate my support and love for her.   

Keep It In Perspective

Julie:  I CAN keep things in perspective.  It’s hard for me to admit that I need help and even harder to let John help me.  I need to remember that John is my partner in ALL things, including illness.  I need to appreciate that he is trying to help.

Choose Love

Finally, I CAN choose love.  While I can’t control either one of us getting sick or hurt, I CAN control how I treat John in these situations. I CAN choose words and actions that are loving and kind rather than critical and sharp.  This is the heart of what it means to fulfill that vow I made to John so long ago. 

So, what can YOU do to better live out your vow to love your spouse in sickness and in health?