For Richer or Poorer

Matt

So those of you who have seen our past two posts have noticed that we have focused on the part of a traditional wedding vow where a couple promises to love each other “in sickness and in health.”  As we reflected on that promise and all the promises that we made on our wedding day, we were struck by the awesome wisdom of whoever authored those words so if you’ll indulge us, we’d like to explore another one of those wedding day promises – “for richer or poorer.”

Gail

“For richer or poorer”? I am not sure even to this day we actually understand what “richer” means, but oh boy I think we can sure tell you what poorer means. When we were married, we were young, we were in love, but as my mom would always say, we did not have the proverbial pot to spit in (or something like that). So, in relative and in absolute terms, from a pure finance perspective, we had the “poorer” part of the equation pretty well nailed down.

Matt

But a lot changes in 43 years of marriage. Job changes and advancements led to more income and our time together and the wisdom that comes with that allowed us to get better at money management, savings and investments, so we started to get a taste of the “rich”-er (or perhaps less poorer) side of things.

Gail

There are certain aspects to this promise that Matt and I made all those years ago that maybe only our years together could have allowed us to see. We have learned that this promise is not really or only about our financial wealth.  Money can often be unstable and be influenced by outside events like loss, economic downturns, or medical debt (don’t we know this?). These things can move a couple’s relative position on the richer to poorer spectrum seemingly overnight – as they have for Matt and me many times.  So, we have come to see that our love and commitment to each other is unconditional when it comes to how much we make or how much money we have in the bank.

Matt

For me, this vow means that I do not abandon Gail, nor does she abandon me just because our wealth decreases or increases. None of that changes the emotional bond we have together or our commitment to each other. Nor does the amount of money we have (or do not have) change the responsibility we have related to the quality of our relationship together. The promise that Gail and I made when we vowed to love “for richer or poorer” means that our sacramental covenant matters more and frankly goes beyond our bank statements, our net worth, and our material comfort.

Gail

I have come to see that this promise is to love Matt and for him to love me in such a way that our “richness” is in ways other than just financially. Remember how I characterized us not having a pot to “spit” in when we were first married? I certainly do not remember feeling all that poor at that time. As I said we were in love, we had each other and we were surrounded by loving family and friends and we had the promise of a life together. No amount of money dictated our commitment to each other nor the happiness and joy that we felt then. For us, whether we are rich or poor or somewhere in between, our promise is still the same – to love each other unconditionally and with all our hearts.