Relationships: Why Your Circle Matters
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
Whether we realize it or not, the people we spend time with are shaping our thoughts, habits, and even our values. When we spend time with positive, purpose-driven people, we find ourselves growing in that direction. But the opposite is also true: if we surround ourselves with people who are negative, cynical, or self-destructive, we’ll drift that way without even realizing it.
The Influence of Friends on Marriage
A Pew Research study found that people were 75% more likely to divorce if a close friend or family member divorced. Even having a friend of a friend go through divorce increased the likelihood by 33%.
Spend time with couples who genuinely love and respect each other. Watch how they resolve conflict and how they support one another. Their habits can inspire and strengthen you.
A good question to ask ourselves is “Are our friendships strengthening or straining our marriage?”
James Sexton (a divorce lawyer and author of the book, “If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late.” ) gives the following recommendation: “We would do well to spend some time talking with people who have managed to stay together through the rough spots – who’ve managed to not only endure marriage, but still like it and thrive at it.”
We agree. Learning from ‘marriage veterans’ is invaluable.
Your Circle
Maybe you’ve spent time around a married couple whose behaviors you DON’T want to imitate (We’ve known couples who put each other down or who spend a lot more time apart than together). We’re going to offer a few positive examples we’ve seen from our married friends.
It’s heartwarming to listen to our friends Dave and Michelle talk about their first date (about 40 years ago). We also admire the rule they have in their marriage – They make it a point to NOT disrespect their spouse in any conversation.
Then there’s Mike and Donna – in the past year Donna has had 2 knee replacement surgeries. We’ve watched as Mike helped Donna up the stairs, and in and out of the car. He has done the cooking and all the household chores for weeks, as Donna has recovered from each surgery. What an inspiring example of ‘making the decision to love.’ Seeing the quiet way Mike cares for Donna lifts us out of our selfish attitude and opens our hearts to be more loving to each other.
Speaking of positive examples, Brent often refers to his wife as ‘my bride.’ (They’ve been married for almost 30 years.) When he calls us on his way home from work, he often ends the phone call when he gets to his driveway by saying, “Well, I gotta go now. I’m wanna get in the house and say ‘hello’ to my lovely bride.” Hearing his sincere eagerness to check in with her each evening reminds us that we should cherish each other more as well.
At the end of the day, we are both influencers and influenced. The question is: what kind of influence are we receiving, and what kind are we giving?
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