Marriage Lessons Learned from Tango

A Final Gift from Pope Francis

One of the last documents Pope Francis wrote was “On Tango and Lasting Marriage.” He loved Tango which originated in his native Argentina. In this post we will share of few of the many Marriage Lessons Learned from Tango.

Pope Francis Elevates Tango

Tango was perceived by many in the early 20th Century as a forbidden dance. Pope Francis elevates Tango as a passionate and expressive dance. It is characterized by close embrace, syncopated rhythms and dramatic movements. (Watch here.) In it he saw romance, feeling and sensuality. Who would not want that for their marriage.

Discipline in Marriage

MF: Tango foot work is precise and intricate. Every move counts. In dance they say, “Practice until you do it without effort.” As a dance mom I know this is true.

It it true in marriage as well. Placing Tom and our marriage above everything else requires a similar discipline, intricacy in decision making and practice. (Thank God discipline in marriage does not require spike heels and intricate foot work!)

For me, discipline is balancing long work hours with quality time for us. This is especially true now that Tom is retired. I do this by completing difficult tasks before I leave the office. I bring the easy stuff home which allows me to share my workday with Tom which we both enjoy. Doing ‘easy’ at home allows me to be physically and emotionally present in the moment.

The Most Important Moment is Now

Tom: In Tango there is an experience of physical distance and pulling the partner back to intimacy. Keeping our eyes and heart focused is key. MF can come home from work exhausted and distant. I pull her into the present moment with dinner ready and an openness to listen when she needs to talk. Just setting the mood for a quiet evening allows us to pull together and be in step mentally and physically. Like Tango, in marriage the most important moment is now.

Never Let Go

MF: Tango is a testament to our marriage commitment “until death do us part.” Throughout the dance there is distance as Tom mentioned, but it is a millisecond — essentially never letting go. Both dancers are constantly pulling each other back into the relationship, giving 100%. The dancers understand what it means to open themselves to the other completely. This requires total trust.

Trust and Commitment

MF: Trust and Commitment are hallmarks of an enduring marriage. This is most evident in our sexual relationship but is key to all aspects of married love. Pope Francis got that. He saw the sensual beauty in Tango and elevated it from the brothel and the realm of forbidden. The gifts of our sexual relationship — total trust and commitment overflow into all aspects of our relationship and impacts the way we interact with the world.

Our Dance Benefits Others

Tom: In any dance you open yourself and show the world who you are. The world is watching. Like Tango our passion extends beyond the bedroom. Recently one of our grandchildren overheard some expletives as MF and I were struggling to assemble a wasp trap. She asked if we were OK. We reassured her — Not only were we OK but frustration and expletives happen in marriage. She said, “I know. Sometimes it happens to Mommy and Daddy, too.” The world needs to see the grace and beauty in our dance as well as the bumps along the way and the work that keeps us in sync.

Tango On!

In Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love) Pope Francis wrote: “In young love, the dancing — step by step, a dance toward hope with eyes full of wonder — must not stop.” In honor of Pope Francis, Let us all “Tango on!”

For Additional Reading Consider:

How Do We Stay Connected When We Are Busy

The Drift

Taking the Back Roads

Little Wonders

It Don’t Come Easy

Loving Each Other In Spite of Our Differences

Marriage Role Models

And for pure enjoyment consider watching Pope Francis (then Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio) teach Pope Benedict Tango (The Two Popes — Net Flicks)