The Grace of Healing

Chris:

Recently, Michelle’s boss gave her a surprise day off work.  Michelle assumed, that because I work from home, I would be willing to drop what I was doing and, in her words, “go on a fun road trip together”. When Michelle presented me with the idea, her enthusiasm and excitement frustrated me.  I was so annoyed about her, “fun adventure” that after she finished saying what we could do, I crossed my arms and snapped, “Oh sure Michelle.  My work is insignificant.  Let me drop everything I have planned today so that I can cater to your whims.”  Unfortunately, I did not stop there.  I decided in that moment, that I was absolutely NOT going to go anywhere.  So, without waiting for her reply, I placed my headphones in my ears and walked out to the shop.

Michelle:

When Chris snapped at me, I was surprised.  I was excited about the gift of a day off and even more excited about spending my day off with him.  As he walked out the door, I thought, “Fine. I don’t need you to have fun.  I will go do something on my own!”

Chris:

For approximately five minutes, I was certain that I was justified in my anger and response to what I judged as Michelle’s lack of respect for my work. While I knew my words were harsh and unkind and my actions were dismissive, I felt defensive when I thought about asking her for forgiveness.  When minute six rolled around, I thought, “If I at least say, ‘I’m sorry’ maybe I can avoid some drawn-out argument.” So, doing the mature thing, I sent her a text which simply read, “Sorry”.

Michelle:

When I got Chris’ ‘sorry’ text I thought, “Yeah right!” But I responded, “Leaving to get a pedicure.  We can talk later.”

Chris:

When I got Michelle’s response, I was even more frustrated.  I only waited six minutes.  How was that too long to wait before saying I’m sorry?  Now, when she gets home, it will be some long conversation.

Michelle:

As I was getting my pedicure, I replayed the interaction that Chris and I had.  It occurred to me, that as hurt as I was about his reaction, the way I presented my “fun road trip” assumed that he could just drop what he was doing and really devalued his time.  When I got home, I asked Chris if we could talk.  I said, “Babe, I need to apologize for my approach today.  I was excited about a day off work and getting to spend time with you.  But I hope you can forgive me for assuming that you could just pack up and leave for the day.”

Chris:

When Michelle apologized, I couldn’t believe it.  I thought Ashton Kutcher would immediately pop out saying that I was being punked. I wanted to just let it go at her apology.  Instead, I said, “I forgive you and while your assumption did bother me, I also need your forgiveness in my reaction.”  We received a card on our wedding day that had this quote by Robert Quilen, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”  Well said Mr. Quilen, well said.