Patience, Patience, Patience!

“Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.” Barbara Johnson

Julie:  Our daughter-in-law is now 13 days overdue with our first grandchild.  We’ve known he was coming since Feb. 9, the news of his upcoming arrival being my best birthday present ever.  Looking back now, it seems like an eternity – and I’m not the one carrying him!  Patience may be a virtue, but it is certainly not one of mine.  This has been the cause of many rifts between John and me over the years.

Growing up and into my early 20’s, I was one of the most patient people you could ever meet.  I actually used to get complimented on it all the time – at work, at home, dealing with kids, in the grocery store, etc.  Somewhere along the line, that well ran dry and well, here we are.  When things start going awry, like turning the corner on the expressway to see a sea of brake lights when we’re on our way to the airport to catch a flight, molehills become mountains and small annoyances can set off fireworks between us.

Unfortunately, I often behave badly when I am being impatient.  I sometimes lash out at John verbally, even though he is often merely the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I become irritated and sarcastic, seeing everything through a narrow lens of inconvenience.  I’m usually remorseful the moment words leave my mouth, but the damage has been done.  I don’t want to hurt John – I really just want the situation to change.  At these times, I need to humble myself, say I’m sorry, and ask for forgiveness. AND make a conscious effort to do better the next time a stressful situation arises.

John: When Julie is being impatient, it often involves anger and frustration.   If I jump in to try to “solve the problem”, or say or do something quickly in an attempt to try to help her, sometimes it comes across as me being a know-it-all.  Even worse, it can reinforce Julie’s negative image of being out of control.  If I ignore the situation, or retreat from it, it can seem as if I am indifferent to Julie’s challenges.  To say I struggle to know how to react is an understatement!

I have found that the best way to support her is to overcome any harsh feelings that I may have and adopt the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate tone of voice and demeanor that I can muster.  I do not retreat, but just reach out for her hand, stroke her head, or offer her a loving look.  I try to become a soft sponge to absorb some of her pain.  When I am conscious of my reactions and approach the situation this way, the crisis passes more quickly and Julie, and our relationship, can be restored to harmony and peace.  Empathy and compassion must rule my behavior.  This is not always easy in the moment, especially if I have a spur of the moment “I’m offended” feeling, but it is always the most rewarding path.

How about you? Do you respond differently to being patient/impatient?  In the sage words of Joyce Mayer, “Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.”

Our grandson was born yesterday, healthy and perfect. All good things are worth the wait!