Opposites Don’t Attract — They Attack

Let’s debunk the myth that “Opposites attract” once and for all. We are attracted to our spouse because they complement us. They bring completeness to our lives. In a relationship completeness is more than finding the missing piece to a puzzle. When the puzzle is done, it’s satisfying, but no longer fun and interesting.

Honoring Our Differences makes us Complementary

TOM: When I came to the realization that MF was “the one,” I was attracted to the way she could see what needed to be done and had the fortitude to get it done. I loved that about her and I needed that in my life.

MF: Tom’s focus was on me. He was kind and gentle, always positive. He was my inspiration and built up my self-confidence.

The Possibilities are Endless when we Complement each other

MF: I am organized and efficient but need Tom to keep my focus on the big picture. My creativity in the kitchen relies on Tom as the best sous-chef. I get us to events on time but am a wallflower without Tom to keep me emotionally connected. I give the nudge and Tom grabs the reins with a good pull.

Sometimes it takes a few nudges

TOM: MF teased me every time she had to hike up her skirt to climb into the truck. One snowy day she told me, “Man if we don’t get running boards, one of us is going to slip and get hurt.” Her tone told me she wasn’t nagging, she was nudging. I got the nudge and took the snowblower in to get it fixed and ordered those boards on the same trip. Score! I doubled the return on my effort!

Respecting Our Differences is Key

MF: Last Saturday I overslept and was rushed to get a roast in the crockpot. When I got up, Tom had coffee ready and was surfing the internet. I was gentle and asked for help. Tom offered to braise the roast while I put together the sauce. By the time the roast was in the pot he had already cleaned the grease-splattered cooktop – knobs and all. That is love and I told him so in more ways than one 😉.

Our Role as Couples is not just to find our complementary partner, but to Grow in that Relationship

TOM: ‘Growth’ is the operative word here. My role is not to simply rely on MF for completion. While I appreciate her get ‘er done attitude, I make it a priority to grow in those areas. When she mentioned getting stuff ready for taxes, I smiled and told her the appointments were already on my to-do list. That is how we grow beyond simply being complementary. I listen. I anticipate her nudge, and we share the reins pulling in the same direction.

MF: We don’t marry with the idea of changing each other or even becoming like our spouse. I learn from Tom and develop those attributes I so admire in him. Our crockpot story could have gone south had I assumed Tom knew I was stressed, belittled him for not cuing in, and demanded his help. (Think: Opposites Attack) Love is a process. It is honoring our differences and allowing our rough edges to be smoothed. It is more than finding the last piece to the puzzle. LOVE is the joy in puzzling together.