My Tip Troll

Chris:

Let me begin by saying, I know that my wife is smart, creative and talented.  When I tell you the rest of the story, rest assured, it is not because I do not know this.  Michelle came to me one afternoon with this phrase, “Hey Babe, I need your advice.”  My Tip Troll was delighted.  She started to tell me what was going on and I stopped listening about a third of the way in because, quite frankly, my Tip Troll knew exactly what advice to offer.  When she finally finished, I was able to share my wisdom.  But, to my Troll’s dismay, Michelle shook her head and walked out of the room.  Leaving my Troll’s brilliance behind.

MICHELLE:

Our conversation sounded like this:

ME: Hey Baby, can I get your advice about something? (Chris nodded so I continued). During my meeting at work today, I noticed my co-worker was adamant about not having a potluck.  She finally said, “You all can do what you want, but I won’t be participating.”  Our boss said, “It is required.”  Do you think I should go to my co-worker and talk to her about what alternative ideas she has and how she might bring those to our boss?

CHRIS: She should go to HR.  No one can require you to participate in potlucks. 

We all have a Tip Troll lurking inside us.  As soon as someone starts talking, our Troll looms up and says, “Oh my gosh, I am so glad you came to me.  I have the best advice.”  Unfortunately, our Troll’s have a terrible attention span and they can easily get seduced into thinking that the first issue it hears, is the challenge to be advised on. 

CHRIS:

And while my Tip Troll believed, in the moment, that the advice was magnificent, I have learned, that it is almost never as good as he thinks it is.  When Michelle walked out of the room, I had to quickly cover my Troll’s mouth as he was wanting to yell, “You’re Welcome!” But that’s the thing about my Troll.  He likes to be heard and he loves to save the day. 

MICHELLE:

The problem with our Tip Trolls is when we offer our “Perfect Solutions”, we are assuming the other person is less than capable of problem solving themselves or at the very least, that our solution is far better than anything they could come up with.  What if we could transform our Tip Trolls into an Inquisitive Imp? They might still be dying to offer their advice, but they could lead in with some questions like, “What is the real challenge for you?” or “What would be the outcome you’re hoping for?”  

CHRIS:

There is vulnerability in taming our Trolls.  When we allow our Imps to stand in, we are no longer the one with all the answers. But as Michelle often reminds me, I didn’t marry a damsel in distress. By asking questions, I help her to thrive.