Overcoming Apathy in our Marriage

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Cloudy fall days, work stress, our daughter moving 4 states away… daily political calls, longing to return to normal life… Our souls have felt weary lately. We’ve felt lazy towards our relationship, too: choosing not to resolve little issues when they arise, being less affectionate, watching more TV, and even falling asleep without saying good night. Basically, we’ve been apathetic about life and about our marriage.

Slowly, so that we didn’t even notice it was happening, we had started sitting on separate couches petting our pets instead of cuddling together, sharing only superficially with each other, and generally living our lives a bit separately. We were in a funk, and neither of us were making an effort to snap out of it.

MEL:

I awoke one morning recently and realized that I was vaguely unhappy. I thought, “I need to take some action here or nothing will change at the rate we’re going.”  So, I chose to speak with Mark about doing something fun together, and we decided to visit our daughter and her girlfriend in Boston. Enjoying the fall colors between Michigan and Massachusetts, Mark and I began sharing the joys and concerns we had been neglecting to share lately. I felt joyful as we held hands and reconnected on a deep level.  During our visit, we hiked, baked, and swapped phone pics and stories. No one checked out during the social time, but instead made the most out of it. I relished the laughter and sharing as our relationship reservoirs were re-filled. I noticed Mark and I were smiling again and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. I had a renewed interest in learning what is going on inside Mark’s heart and mind. I felt enthusiastic, as we re-connected in a way I had been longing for.

MARK:

Shortly after that, we went away for a long weekend with another couple, driving down to Kentucky to explore the Red River Gorge. Something about fresh air and being on a trail together really opens Mel and me up to each other. We playfully joked and enjoyed wonderful conversation as we hiked along. We also enjoyed connecting and chatting with our friends both on the trails and in the cabin as we played games at night. After this trip, Mel and I started to do more things  or one another. Mel cuddled up next to me on the couch. I gave Mel a nice neck and back rub which I hadn’t done for some time. Thankfully, once again, we’re noticing the beauty of life and are enjoying smooches, hand holding, and initiating lovemaking. We feel a renewed thankfulness for each other and our life together.

This experience helped us see that, when there’s apathy in our marriage, one of us must make a decision to do  something about it. What choice can you make to re-connect on a deep level and bring joy back into your life together?

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