Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?

Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.

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Here’s one example: It was Friday night after a very long week, and I (Ken) had planned to kick back, relax, and watch a movie. That day, Janine had talked to some friends and arranged to get together. When I found out that my evening of relaxation was not going to happen, I felt angry. (There’s my feeling – it’s not right or wrong. It’s about what I choose to do with it.) Usually, this would lead to an argument, but I stopped myself. I thought about what Janine had done and why she had done it. She wanted to encourage and support friends who were experiencing some challenges. She had no ill will toward me- no desire to sabotage my relaxing evening. She was trying to do something good. I explained what I had intended for the evening, and although I wasn’t thrilled about it, I agreed that her plans were more important. Janine acknowledged having failed to talk with me first and thanked me for being understanding.

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Anger and other feelings can get the best of us. But, if we take one minute to acknowledge the feeling and calmly decide the right action to take, it can make all the difference. By the way, choosing to dwell on certain feelings (like anger, lust, envy, etc) is also an action (behavior). Again, it’s better to acknowledge the feeling and make a healthy decision to move on. We can’t choose our feelings, but we can and do choose what we do with them.