The Rituals of Connection

Wikipedia defines rituals as a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, actions or objects of importance.  It goes on to say that rituals forge bonds and help people turn towards one another because they are deeply rooted in a sense of predictability which lowers fear, provides comfort and can lower stress.  The Counseling & Wellness Center of Pittsburgh defines a ritual of connection as specific times of interaction both informal and formal, that help couples come together, build intimacy, deepen their connection and create shared meaning in their relationship.  They go on to say that these rituals are important in creating a healthy sense of anticipation, expectation and oneness in the relationship.  

Michelle

Here are some of the rituals we practice in our lives.  

1. Reconciliation Walk-Chris and I walk every morning, early, before it gets too hot.  These walks are done for exercise, they are quick, sweaty and without much conversation. Sometimes, one or both of us, can have a particularly stressful day.  It is on these days that we notice we are short with one another, more sarcastic in our responses and snippy.  When we recognize this happening, one of us will typically ask for a Reconciliation Walk.  These walks are done after dinner, much slower and with the intention of asking for and receiving forgiveness.  It has been our way to hit reset with one another and salvage whatever portion of the day we have left.

Chris:

2.  Lunchbox Notes-Michelle takes a lunchbox to work every day.  Her lunchbox has a pocket in the lid where she always puts her napkins.  There is also, a Ziploc bag containing 2024’s lunchbox notes from me to her.  I will typically put a lunchbox note in front of her napkin so when she pulls out her napkin, my note comes out with it.  She never knows when I will write one, but she has never failed to call or text after reading it, to thank me for the sweet note. Similarly, when Michelle knows what leftover I will be eating that day, I will often find her version of a lunchbox note, taped to the top of the tupperware.  These short notes are just a quick way for us to let the other know they were thought of and they are loved.  

Michelle:

3. Family Dinner Night-When our daughter was little, we ate almost every meal together as a family.  With the TV off, we would sit down, pray before our meal, serve one another and then discuss the happenings of our day.  Chris and I wondered how we would continue family dinners when our daughter moved out on her own. About three months into her living on her own, we got a phone call from her asking if she could come home for Family Dinner Night.  That was three years ago and the weekly event continues to this day.  

These are just a few examples of our rituals of connection.  Researchers have long studied social rituals as a way of understanding a group’s beliefs, values, connection and resilience.  We would love a Couple’s Post study of your own.  Please share in the comments, the rituals of connection you have.