Still Crazy After All These Years

Nick: This Arlo and Janis comic came across my X feed out of the blue this past week, and I texted it immediately to Jen. It is an illustration of a very, very ‘us’ sort of interaction. It brings to mind the small ways we’re still crazy for each other after all these years.

Crazy About Her

I’m still crazy about the way Jen looks. Catching any glimpse of Jen partially dressed, and voicing some form of appreciation is one of the little ways I can send her that message. She’ll roll her eyes at me or make some dismissive comment teasing that she doesn’t get how I can still look at her that same way after almost 30 years of marriage. I just laugh and say “obviously, you’ve never been male.” I keep my eyes on her until (sigh) she finishes getting dressed and we have to go on to acting like grown-ups in whatever way the day ahead demands.

Lest you think it’s just about catching her half-naked, I am an equal-Jen-opportunity appreciator. We recently had to get gussied up for a work holiday party together. She came out dressed in a skirt and a silky looking gold top draped in a black shawl. All I could hear was Clapton’s “You Look Wonderful Tonight” in the back of my head when she asked me how she looked. She is beautiful and I love her inside and out. I am indeed, still crazy for her in every way.

Crazy About Him

Jen: I’m still crazy about the way Nick looks, too. I loved to play with the thick waves in his hair when we first met and started dating. As we’ve aged, the brown in Nick’s hair has started to be taken over by grey. He may express his annoyance returning from a haircut and complaining that he comes back with more grey every time, but I think it makes him more handsome than ever. The hair on his face has also started to grey, and to me there is nothing sexier than that 5 o’clock shadow stubble. I love to touch his face and tease him about it.

But I don’t just tease him about it. Early in the morning when I am awake but haven’t gotten out of bed yet, I stare at the way the light hits Nick’s face and I am fascinated and drawn in. When he leaves for work, I am often struck by how aging suits him and who he has become over the almost 30 years of our marriage, and I am reminded of the wisdom of the old Beatles song “When I’m 64.” Indeed, he has no reason to worry about whether or not I will still need him when we get to that age.

Still Crazy After All These Years

Aging is a hard thing for many people, us included. As individuals, we become critical of all the ways we no longer look young and wonder how our spouse can still find us attractive. But one of the reasons we still find each other attractive is because of the effort we put into our relationship each day. Still finding each other attractive is not just about the way our bodies look, it is about loving the insides, too.

So the next time you look at your spouse and see something that strikes you about their appearance, don’t hesitate to share your appreciation with them. Your attraction to your spouse is part of what makes them more confident and whole in the world.