Taking The Back Roads

Ken: As we drove through central California recently, we marveled at the acres and acres of farmland and how many different varieties of foods grow in those wide-open spaces. We also saw many acres covered in solar panels and wondered how much electricity they provided.  If we’d taken the main highways, we wouldn’t have seen all this critical infrastructure that affects the lives of millions of people.   

Navigating The Inner World 

Janine: It occurred to me that taking the back roads is similar to getting a glimpse of the inner workings of my husband – what’s going on inside him that affects his behaviors?  Taking the Back Roads to a More Intimate Marriage means that it’s important to take time to explore the inner world of our spouse. Spending uninterrupted time, just getting to know each other better can be SO beneficial. This is how I learn what is going on under the surface.  Where’s his energy coming from?  Is he feeling zapped, hungry or not getting the sustenance he needs?  What happened in his childhood that caused him to have the perspective he has now? 

Back Roads Are A Vast Universe 

Ken: A friend once told us that discovering the inner world of your spouse could be compared to exploring a vast universe that’s constantly changing. We never fully discover our own “universe,” and it’s even more difficult to discover the inner world of our spouse.  

Carefree Timelessness 

Janine: Some years ago, we heard the term ‘carefree timelessness,’ which is a concept I love. Spending time together talking, going deeper in conversation, not worrying about the time… this really recharges my batteries. It’s mentally like a long Sunday afternoon drive down the back roads. Taking time to have those long, un-hurried conversations helps us to appreciate and understand each other SO much more.   

Coffee Time = Intimacy 

Ken: I can’t tell you how much we’ve discovered about each other (and ourselves), or how many times we got back on the same page. Much intimacy has been gained by simply sitting on the couch having coffee on Saturday mornings, talking about all kinds of things. Not rushing, going deeper in conversation, letting down our defenses and talking about things that take time. These conversations can sometimes change the course of our lives… for the better. 

Take The Back Roads To A More Intimate Marriage

Janine: Today, we’d like to invite you to set aside regular time with your spouse for carefree timelessness. Take the back roads of each other’s inner worlds… sometimes sipping coffee and maybe even during a drive down your own back roads. Keep it positive, sharing your yearning to know more about each other. Discovering each other’s pasts, preferences, dreams… they are all keys to greater intimacy. Why wait? 

Need some questions to help you get the conversation going? Click the links below.  

Conversation Starters 

50 Questions to Ask Your Spouse (other than How was Your Day?)