Why Sex Matters in Marriage

For many married couples, physical intimacy gradually decreases over time. Busy schedules, stress, or feelings of guilt or embarrassment can all contribute to a decline in this vital part of a healthy marriage. But what if we told you that prioritizing physical touch isn’t just about pleasure, but about strengthening your marriage and revitalizing your love? Sex matters in marriage.

What’s the Big Deal?

Janine: For a LONG time, I really didn’t understand how significant and important physical intimacy is. Making love was the last thing on my list of priorities, and I just didn’t understand why it seemed so important to Ken.

When you were growing up, did you get the message that sex was forbidden?  Or that sex was “off limits?” It can take a long time to change that mindset. I needed to change my mindset – sex isn’t something dirty or forbidden.  Sex is something wonderful! A husband and wife should ‘delight’ in one another.  When a husband and wife are making love, they are speaking the words of ‘Forever. Completely. I’m yours.’ 

Let’s do the WORK of uprooting whatever uncomfortable, unhealthy ideas we have about sex.  

Love Languages and Physical Touch

Ken: Physical intimacy looks different for every couple. Some may find their emotional connection deepens with a long hug, while others crave the passion of making love. The key is understanding your partner’s “love language,” the way they experience and express love most profoundly. For some, like me, it’s physical touch. That need for touch is met most profoundly in our lovemaking.

Making ‘Love’ Tangible

Janine: Physical lovemaking is a way to reconnect and create a sense of security and unity.  Love is an abstract thing that we can’t hold in our hands.  We can’t put love in a box and physically “give love” to our spouse. Love is so profound it cannot be expressed only in words. Our lovemaking IS the physical manifestation of our love for each other. 

Making Time for Intimacy

Ken: Just like any other important thing in life, physical intimacy takes “intentionality.” We don’t wait to go to work until we’re “in the mood,” so why should our physical intimacy be any different?

Here’s a quote from Søren Kierkegaard “Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.” So true! Our marriage also needs moments of beauty and pleasure. Rushing those moments of intimacy leaves a sense that something is lacking. We need to prioritize our lovemaking. This might mean scheduling it on the calendar or turning off the TV and going to bed earlier.

Don’t wait for intimacy to happen on its own; initiate touches throughout the day to build anticipation and to remind your spouse of your love.

Talk About It

Janine: Making our sex life a priority is making our marriage a priority. Although it might be awkward to talk about sex (even with your spouse), we found that broaching this subject was extremely helpful. Talking about our sexual relationship was and is the first step towards improving our love life. Sex matters in marriage!

Here’s a couple of posts that might help you to tackle this subject together:

25 Conversation Starter Questions on Sexuality

7 Tips to Improve Your Sex Life

Let’s Talk about Sex