Opposites Attract?

You have likely heard the saying, “opposites attract.”  While this is not always true, for many couples it is true. And when it is true, we have discovered that we can draw on our differences to make us a stronger couple.

Personality Styles

The two of us have done several “personality” surveys over the years. Whether it be Myers-Briggs Myers & Briggs Foundation (myersbriggs.org), the personality style survey from the Worldwide Marriage Encounter (WWME) experience Worldwide Marriage Encounter – Experiences for Married Couples (wwme.org), or Real Colors What is the Real Colors Personality Type Test?, we invariably come out as polar opposites.  For example, the WWME survey identifies four personality styles: Helper, Organizer, Thinker, and Catalyst.  Karen’s results show her to be primarily a Helper with a secondary Catalyst.  Scott’s results show him to be primarily an Organizer with a secondary Thinker. Myers-Briggs shows us to be exact opposites in every category. And of course, our love languages are different too https://5lovelanguages.com/. 

Karen: Unaware of these personality surveys in our early married years, we expected we would approach life situations in the same way. Not so, dear readers. Not so. Where I am spontaneous, and quick to make decisions, Scott is more measured in his response. He takes his time, does his research, and thinks before deciding. If an opportunity presents itself to gather with family or friends, I immediately jump on it, no matter the tasks we have planned for the day. Scott would much rather complete the items on our ‘to do’ list before saying yes to a fun activity. 

For the most part, I enjoy change. Scott struggles with change. Parenting was a big one for us (even now with grandchildren). Scott is black and white. There is a lot of gray in my world. These are just a few of the many ways we approach life differently.  

Completing vs. Competing

Scott: Perhaps you have seen the movie, “Jerry Maguire.” Jerry Maguire (1996) – IMDb.  There is a line in that movie that really struck me when we saw it years ago. When Jerry comes back to the girl he loves, he tells her, “You complete me.”  Soon after watching this movie, we heard a presentation that focused on “completing each other vs. competing with each other.” Karen and I talked about how we could allow our differences to work for us rather than against us. We came to see that when Karen allows me to think things through, it keeps us from making impulsive decisions we might later regret. And that helps keep us financially solvent. When I put aside my ‘to do’ list to enjoy a spontaneous afternoon of live music at a local winery, we create treasured moments that we would otherwise miss. 

Karen Our grandchildren know there are rules that are important and there is flexibility when there needs to be. We are far from perfect at this. But we continue to discover opportunities to celebrate our differences. We are even learning to count on them. Our differences become gift rather than burden. Loving Each Other in Spite of Our Differences

How about you? Even if you are not as opposite as Scott and I are, we suspect there are times when you compete with your spouse or expect your spouse to be like you. As you look at your differences, can you see them as a blessing rather than a burden? How might your differences help you be a better couple? Scott and I find much truth in the statement “unity is not the same as uniformity.” Our differences really can make us a better “one.”