We Get By With a Little Help From Our Friends
Michelle:
When Chris and I met, I had my friends and he had his friends. After we got married, some of my friends became our friends as did some of his. Now, in our more than twenty years together, we have made new friends, most of which we refer to as our friends. Some of our friends have been initiated by him and some have been initiated by me, however, recently, we were hanging out with one of OUR friends. These are friends we met at the same time and just instantly clicked.
Chris:
We were walking to dinner together, myself by the husband and Michelle standing behind us with his wife. I said to the husband, “Hey, do you realize we have only been friends for exactly one year?” While our wives giggled something about our bro-mance having a one year anniversary, the husband looked at me with the same bewildered look I felt and said, “Nah, it’s been longer than a year. “
Michelle:
When we were driving home from our time with them, Chris was still struck by the notion that it had only been one year. I said to him, “It’s kind of like it was with us, right? When you know you know…” Chris agreed but said that it seemed a more difficult and a more celebratory accomplishment, to find a couple where both the wives and the husbands not only get along, but intentionally plan so they can spend more time together. As I reflected on what he said, I too was suddenly surprised by our friendship. The friends that I hold dear, I have had for YEARS. This couple, who we have shared only 365 days with, know many of the same things that my long-term friends have.
So, I did what I normally do, I went down a friendship rabbit hole on the internet. I found study after study, about the importance of couples having couple friends, how to make couple friends and how to maintain couple friends, so if you are looking for the research, it is out there. But something that stood out to me was a 2022 study on friendship. In the study, the author noted that friendships decrease in terms of quantity in adulthood but that the nature of the relationship is deeper.
Chris:
When Michelle brought me her rabbit hole findings, and I read the study, I thought, “Nah, I’m not that deep. I just like them; we get along and we have a great time.” But maybe, that is where the depth comes in. These friends are like family. When Michelle’s dad passed away, they were the first ones on the phone, setting up a time to come see us and make plans. We have shared birthdays, interests and even had disagreements, but much like my actual family, I know that no matter what, I can count on them. As we usher in a new year, may we remember, that we all get by with a little help from our friends.
Links to Studies:
Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Friendships with Other Couples
The Profound Importance of Having Couples Friends
