What Language are You Speaking?

We’ve all been there…We’re doing or saying something to show our spouse we love them, and they don’t even notice!

For me (Ken), it’s natural to show Janine my love by holding her hand or giving her a surprise hug or kiss.  Sometimes though, these gestures are not appreciated- or even outright rejected.  What the heck!  What does she want?

There were many times when I (Janine) would DO things for Ken, to SHOW him my love, yet he seemed completely oblivious.  I THOUGHT by cleaning the house, putting away his laundry, or paying the bills, he would KNOW I loved him.  He was trying to tell me he loved my by hugging me or holding my hand, when I just wished he would sweep the kitchen floor or offer to make dinner.

Then we read a book by Dr. Gary Chapman, called The 5 Love Languages.  Chapman explains that we each have a primary love language.  We tend to “speak” (show love) in “our” language.  We also understand love from others best when it is expressed in ‘our love language.’

I (Ken) learned that I had been speaking MY language (Physical Touch) and Janine was speaking hers (Acts of Service).  It was like one of us was speaking Portuguese and the other speaking Chinese.  

Although it doesn’t come naturally for me (Janine), I now know that one of the simple ways for me to show Ken I love him is to reach over and hold his hand or to sit close to him on the couch.

Oh, THAT’s what she wants… for me to make the coffee, and maybe even bring it to her with a smile. I can do that! When I decide to clean up after dinner or fold laundry, I’m speaking Janine’s Love Language.

Whether it’s Giving/Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, or Quality Time – it’s important to learn what language our spouse speaks – AND learn to speak that language! Do you know your spouse’s love language?  Do yourselves a favor today and get this great little book that has transformed so many marriages.  Read it together.  What have you got to lose?