Lessons on Marriage from a Houseplant
About 20 years ago, we received a pothos plant as a gift. This plant has been repotted numerous times. It has survived 4 relocations, including a move from one state to another and has remained resilient in our chaotic home with its five children and several pets. Over time, this pothos has taught us some lessons about how plants thrive. These lessons have helped our marriage thrive, too.
The Right Kind of Light
Nick: An article on The Spruce on the care of pothos plants states: “Pothos likes sun or shade, but you need to watch if it’s in too much of either one.” The lesson in our marriage: when we surround ourselves with people who have similar values to those we do, we are living in the kind of light that helps our marriage thrive. When the values of people near us are too different, it’s like an over- or under-exposure. We can survive, but it’s hard to thrive in those conditions.
It’s Obvious When a Plant Needs Water
Jen: Our pothos plant currently lives in our dining room. Most days, I walk past it without noticing it. But then there’s that day when I walk by and see that its leaves are starting to droop because I have forgotten to water it. This is true in our marriage as well. I can become complacent, moving through the day-to-day and not actively working at our relationship. And then one day, I start to notice that little things are really bothering me and I’m feeling resentful – and I realize that I have let the leaves of our marriage droop. To get them back to healthy, I have to give them water…
Not Too Late to Bounce Back
Nick: …and they will come back to life. Though there are times I take Jen for granted, a little bit of investment of time and energy can reverse this. Decisions to love and being willing to ask for forgiveness are among the ways I can water and rejuvenate our relationship when our leaves are droopy. Our pothos and our marriage have both survived some pretty haggard times. Those times, we’ve wondered what it would take to bounce back. And each of those times, with some work we have bounced back. We’re made of tougher stuff than we look in our darker moments.
Your Marriage is Life Giving
Jen: The most amazing lesson the pothos plant teaches us is that our marriage is life-giving. A pothos plant gives new life when you take a cutting from it and put it in water so that roots can develop. Our marriage gives new life in the ways it builds up others. When we are taking care of our marriage by giving it the right light, the right amount of water, and paying attention to it, we are offering others a chance to see that it’s possible.
Planting and Replanting for a Lifetime
Our pothos plant was given to us by another couple, Gilbert & Lydia. It started as a small plant, probably a cutting from one of their plants. We have given dozens of cuttings to others over the 20 years we’ve had it, and for all we know it was years older before we received ours. We like to think the little plant has roots that span our entire marriage of 28 years. With a little care, who knows? We can plan on it being there for the rest of our life together as well.
