Lessons Learned We Have

Chris:

I may be a bit biased, but I think very few movie franchises have had the global reach that Star Wars has. With their relatable characters, incredible fight scenes and ethical dilemmas, Star Wars has something for everyone.  I think my wife, on the other hand, only watches because she knows how much I enjoy them.  So, imagine my surprise, when Michelle said, “I think some of the lessons in Star Wars could be applicable to marriage.” My heart burst with pride and I couldn’t wait to get started.  So, travel with us to a galaxy far, far away and we will share marriage lessons learned from Star Wars.

Michelle:

Lesson One:  It is never too late to do the right thing.  In  Return of the Jedi, Darth Vader gets into a dilemma. As viewers, we believe Vader represents evil; incapable of  good.  Then, at the end of the movie, Vader sees his son suffering at the hands of the Emperor. Torn between furthering his power or saving his son, he  incredibly chooses the latter. There are times in our marriage where we might believe that with enough wrongdoings, there is no going back. 

Chris:

I experience this when Michelle and I argue.  At some point during the argument, usually when I realize she is right, I start throwing out the big guns. I make comments, use sarcasm and refuse eye contact as tactics to distract Michelle from the topic at hand.  If I, like Vader, could remember in those moments, that it’s never too late to do the right thing, I might minimize the time spent in an argument.

Lesson Two: Everyone has a good side and a not so good side.  Towards the end of Return of the Jedi, the Emperor tempts Luke Skywalker to join the dark side.  Throughout this scene, viewers can see Luke leaning into the temptation.  The far easier choice would have been to join forces with The Dark Side, knowing that the odds are stacked against him.

Michelle:

Don’t we all have these inner battles?  During an argument like what Chris described, it is far easier for me to lean into my bad side by giving him the silent treatment or refusing his attempts to make peace.  But, when I make the decision to leverage my good side, I communicate to Chris that our relationship is more important than my self-protection or pride.

Lesson Three: Great accomplishments are best done in a state of calmness.   Through each of the movies, Jedis, harnessing the power of “The Force,” can make incredible things happen. In The Empire Strikes Back, Yoda trains Luke to harness this power.  The most frustrating part for Luke is that in order to harness the power, you must remain calm, cool and collected.   Isn’t this true in our marriage too? When I try to force Chris to act differently or control a situation, I will run into problems.  But, when I channel my inner-Yoda, slow down and maximize my stillness, I can listen more carefully, navigate the conversation rationally and do what is best for us.

Chris:

The Final Lesson: Fear is a deadly motivator.  Before Darth Vader turned to the dark side, he was known as Anakin Skywalker, a promising young Jedi knight.  The reason he changed from good to bad was the motivation of fear. Anakin allowed fear to take over, making him paranoid and unable to make rational decisions. Our marriages cannot be run by living our lives in fear; fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of losing, etc.  But when I live with fear in our marriage, I become protective of myself and I isolate myself from opportunities that exist for us.  Worst of all, fear leads to awful decisions.  However, when II move past my own fear, I can shift the focus back to us and we can make the most of our opportunities. So whether you connect with Hans or Luke, Leia or Rey, learning these lessons  together is your only hope!