We’re Broken
Your marriage is broken… or at least that’s how it seems. Here’s a secret… we’re ALL broken. Both as individuals and as couples, we’re all broken in some way. We’re in constant need of repair and healing. From our past and in the present. And… just acknowledging this is huge. Although so many couples may seem perfect (or in a state of perpetual bliss), we all experience brokenness in marriage.
We all cycle through stages of romance, disappointment, and disillusionment. But there’s hope and strength in knowing that we don’t have to be perfect. We just need to be willing to work on growing together rather than apart.
ROMANCE
KEN: This is the phase of our relationship I remember best: dating, honeymoon, and newlywed times. Boy-o-boy, were those good times. I spent a lot of time just yearning for those exact times to return.
DISAPPOINTMENT
JANINE: Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” When things don’t go as we expected, we’re disappointed.
“I thought Ken was going to have time to help me clean the house, but…” 😞
“I thought we were going to be able to resolve our disagreements in a calm and encouraging conversation, but…” 🙁
“I thought we’d be a great team who agreed on how to discipline the kids, but…”😪
But… our egos and our pride rear their ugly heads. Especially when we’re tired or overwhelmed, we behave selfishly.
DISILLUSIONMENT
KEN: If given enough time, we’ll all hit this phase at least once. I recall lying in bed with tears in my eyes thinking, “Is this what life is going to be like?” feeling dark and hopeless. Getting there didn’t happen overnight – it was a slow slide on the downward spiral. We had become “married singles” and had left many small hurts unforgiven and unhealed. Sweeping things under the rug wasn’t a good idea.
HEALING
JANINE: It takes humility to find the road back after we’ve hurt each other. To say not only “I’m sorry” but also to ask, “Will you forgive me?”
I still have a very hard time admitting when I’m wrong. (To Be, or Not To Be…Right?) It takes time for me to pause, process, and get ready to talk through the issues and the feelings. I can easily fall into the trap of thinking we’re in a competition against each other, rather than remembering that we’re on the SAME team. Why is it so difficult to remember this? Well, I’m human. Ken is human. We’re all human. We’re all broken. Being reminded of this helps me to go back to cut both of us some slack and then try again the next time.
THE FUTURE
These days, we’re finding that what the old folks have said is true: love can grow deeper over the years in spite of (or perhaps because of) all of the ups and downs we go through together. Indeed, there are better times ahead!
