The Drift
Exciting Beginnings
We all battle something called “the drift” in marriage. Before we get into that, let’s begin with a happy story.
We just attended a wedding. It was so much fun celebrating with the newlywed couple. At the reception, one of the groomsmen spoke about how he noticed a change in his friend (the groom) after the bride and groom met. All of a sudden, this young man was asking for time off from work so he could spend time with the beautiful young woman in his life. He just couldn’t wait to spend time with her.
New love is quite a phenomenon, isn’t it? There really are no words that can quite describe it. A ‘magnetism’ just overtakes you when you’re falling for that special someone… they’re all you can think about.
The Drift
But then comes the next phenomenon…the drift. As life moves forward, we go through a gradual transition from ‘connection’ to ‘disconnection.’ When we got married, we thought, ‘That won’t happen to us.’ It seemed impossible that the honeymoon would wear off – right?
Before kids, we went to whatever movies we wanted to see. We ate romantic dinners at restaurants without interruptions. We spent weekends doing whatever we wanted and slept as late as we liked.
Then came parenthood. Our whole world changed overnight. Even our most basic conversations were put on hold. Days could go by without meaningful conversation between the two of us.
Disconnect
JANINE: It seemed I couldn’t wait for Ken to get home from work, not because of desire to spend time with him, but because I needed help getting the kids ready for bed. I didn’t even notice our “connection” slowly eroding away.
“Disconnecting is easy—it just happens while you’re busy doing life. It takes effort to stay connected emotionally, physically, and spiritually.” – Lisa Lakey
KEN: I first noticed the drift in our sexual intimacy. At first, I didn’t “get it” … that the frequency and quality of our lovemaking is dependent on the health of our emotional intimacy (and vice versa). You don’t really get one without the other. We had to get on the same page and needed to learn how to get back to the connection and communication we had during our dating days. We went to a Worldwide Marriage Encounter, which gave us tools to communicate better and a fresh perspective that helped us reignite the spark we’d had when we were first dating.
Re-Connect
JANINE: If your ‘connection’ with your spouse seems to have faded, we urge you to make some time to focus on each other. Look for a marriage building event near you (such as Worldwide Marriage Encounter). To fight that natural, gradual drift and to re-connect, we need to be intentional. What will you do to re-connect?
For more on this topic:
Intentional Marriage – 50 Ways
5 Reasons You Need a Getaway without Kids
Worldwide Marriage Encounter – What is it?
