Was it Bad Parenting or Making Memories?

A few years ago, we watched as our daughter, Taryn, spent an exorbitant amount of money on a Halloween costume.  When asked why, she said that we had ruined every Halloween by having her be creative and come up with a costume, rather than getting a store-bought one.  Upon reflection, we wondered, was it bad parenting or making memories?

Thanksgiving:

When Taryn was five, she was watching Sesame Street as Chris and I were in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner.  She walked in the kitchen just as Chris was pulling the turkey out of the oven to baste.  He said, “Wow, that’s a big bird.”  When we turned around, Taryn’s eyes were full of tears and a look of horror was etched on her face.  When I asked her what was wrong, her response was, “I will never eat that!  That is murder and it is wrong!” Chris and I turned to each other, completely confused as to what on earth she could be talking about.   Until, of course, she continued, “Why would you kill Big Bird?”  

Christmas:

Just one year after our Thanksgiving mishap, we ruined Christmas.  At the time, we lived in Oklahoma and would drive to Michelle’s parent’s house in Arizona.  On Christmas Eve, we all ventured to the grocery store to get some last-minute items.  As we walked into the store, Taryn asked if we could buy some milk.  My mom, overhearing Taryn, said, “I have milk at home.  I know you saw me throw away a carton this morning, but I have more in the garage.”  That seemed to satisfy Taryn and so the grocery trip went on without any other incidents.  That night, Taryn said, “I have to leave out milk and cookies for Santa.”  My mom had a choice of cookies on a tray and Taryn loaded up a plate for Santa.  Taryn then wanted a mug in which to put Santa’s milk because, in her words, “It was more classy.”  A mug was selected, and my mom went out to the garage to retrieve the milk.  When she came back in with a carton in-hand, Taryn said, “No Nana, you said you had milk.  That milk is gross.”  My mom replied, “It’s not gross, it’s just soy.”  Taryn said, “Santa is NOT lactose intolerant.  He likes milk.”  With no other milk in the house and all of the stores already closed, Taryn had to make do with what they had.  She asked for a piece of paper and a pen (not the pencil that we offered; again because it was more classy).  She wrote, “Dear Santa-I have been good.  As you can see, my parents have not.  I asked for milk today when we were at the store.  They listened to Nana and she drinks gross milk because she is lactose intolerant.  I am sorry for the gross milk, it is really my parent’s fault.  Love Taryn”.  Santa wrote back, “Dear Taryn-Thank you for the cookies and the warning on the milk.  Rudolph was talking back so I brought the milk to him and we waited on your Nana and Papa’s roof until he drank it.  He said that you were right, it is disgusting!  Maybe he will learn not to talk back!  Love Santa.”

As much as we try our best as parents, things do not always go as we planned. Learning to laugh can help us move forward and gain insight.  As Halloween gives way to Thanksgiving and Christmas, we hope this serves as a reminder to laugh often and cherish, even the “ruined” times, together.