Celebrate Good Times – Come On!
Julie: It’s been a party kind of month! First, we celebrated my dad’s 85th birthday, and then the following weekend, we celebrated John’s parents’ 60th wedding anniversary. Those are impressive numbers! This got us thinking about what life might be like for us if we are fortunate enough to celebrate these milestones in our own lives.
John: It was actually bittersweet to celebrate my parents’ anniversary. While 60 years together is an incredible accomplishment, this was clouded earlier in the week as my mom had to make the painful decision to look into moving my dad from living with her in assisted living to living alone in the memory care building on their campus. We know this will be gut-wrenching for Dad, who wants to be by my mom’s side constantly. He will be even more confused than he already is, and we judge the move will accelerate his memory loss. But with his recent wanderings, turning the stove on, etc., it has become a safety issue in addition to the physical challenges of advancing dementia. At age 82 and in poor health herself, Mom just can’t do it anymore.
Julie: None of us knew how things would go the day of the anniversary party. Dad had several bad days in a row the week leading up to the big day, so we were all holding our collective breath. But the day of the party, we received a great gift. Dad had a really good day. Not just a good day – a GREAT day. He was happy and smiling, actually carrying on conversations with his kids and grandkids. He chuckled when our nephew’s dog wanted to hold Mom’s hand. He was able to stay all day and just enjoy his family being all together again for the first time in three years. And because he had such a great day, Mom had one, too.
Julie: It was so moving to see our kids and nieces and nephews interact with Dad and listen patiently to his stories of his early days with Mom. At one point, I simply took it all in and tears rolled down my cheeks. Not only did we all witness the culmination of 60 years of love and commitment through all of life’s struggles and joys, for a moment we had our Dad and Grandpa back again.
John: The events of the past few weeks have caused us to stop and consider our own future together, especially since dementia is prevalent in the males on my side of the family and heart disease is prevalent in Julie’s. Knowing that our parents’ current situations could be a possible scenario in our future, what could we do to help us prepare?
Celebrate the little moments
Julie: One thing we have always done and will continue to do is celebrate the little moments in life. We have a special dinner on the anniversary of our first date. We make love when we finish a project together. Our daughter visiting from Florida is cause for a family party. The first beautiful spring day is an invitation to get in the car and go for a drive with the windows rolled down. You get to pick your birthday meal. We even had carrot cake and birthday hats to celebrate when our pet bunny turned 10 (she got an actual carrot, of course). Life is short and often hard. Definitely eat ice cream – and bring out the best china to serve it in! Seriously, celebrating life’s little moments has led to many great memories and added a lot of fun and romance to our marriage. Each little celebration is a deposit in the emotional bank account that helps us through the tougher times.
Don’t Take Things for Granted
John: We’ve also learned is not to take things for granted. The people, places, and events we enjoy now may not always be there, so take the time to enjoy them today. Each day Julie and I have together is indeed a great gift. We never let a day go by without a couple of really big kisses and several I Love Yous because none of us knows what tomorrow will bring.
Quit Sweating the Small Stuff
John: We can also quit sweating the small stuff. Will it matter 10 years from now? Probably not, so let it go today. A little perspective can go a very long way.
Remember the Good Times
Julie: We can remember the good times. On our wedding day, we signed up to love each other for better or for worse. But what if worse is worse than we thought it might be? My parents were married for 57 years. For the last 10 years of her life, my dad cared for my mom as her health deteriorated and she underwent surgery after surgery. Yet he never talks about the struggles – only the joys. He considers it a privilege to have been able to care for her. 47 years of great memories was enough to buoy him through 10 years of not-as-great times.
Find Joy
John: Every day is a chance to celebrate. What brought you joy today? Was it a beautiful sunset? A phone call from your college kid just to catch up? The scale inching down a pound or two? Hearing “your song” play on your suggested playlist? Come on, find your joy and celebrate those good times together!
