The Spontaneity Spark

Julie

John and I are both planners. We make lists and spreadsheets for everything. We research every option before making a decision. We weigh the pros and cons. Spontaneity is not something that comes naturally to either of us as individuals or to us as a couple.

John

When our daughter called and asked us if we would be interested in tagging along on her upcoming work trip to Costa Rica in three weeks’ time, I was both quite surprised and hesitant. I instantly jumped to worries about the complexities of international travel to a new place, especially without time to do much research. I thought of reasons why this may not be a good idea, rather than adopting a “throw caution to the wind and just go for it” attitude. I realized it would mean cancelling other ideas we had planned for our use of precious annual paid time off days from work. It also meant having to clear our calendar of previous commitments and appointments. Despite these thoughts, I surprisingly jumped into a conversation with Julie about whether we should consider this “out of the blue” opportunity.

Julie

This spontaneous getaway opportunity reminded us how much we are slaves to our routines and how this can dampen the fun and romance in our relationship. We thought about other times we had experienced this spontaneity spark. One time was when we decided the night before to squeeze in few hours at a local tulip festival that was 3 hours away, even though we had a meeting scheduled that evening. Another time, we went to see an incredible fireworks display when a commitment was cancelled at the last minute. When we met friends who called to see if we could join them for dinner even though we had already thawed out something to make at home, we ended up having a fun and memorable evening. Each of these spontaneous choices brought life and laughter into our relationship, like a breath of fresh air.

John

We ultimately decided to make the Costa Rica trip and were so very glad we did. It was an amazing adventure! Of course, each decision to be spontaneous does not have to involve something like a big trip – it can be in little every-day decisions we make. Our experience is that most of the time, the decision to be spontaneous has brought us great rewards. It generates a spark in our relationship that reminds us of our dating days when we were younger and more carefree.

Julie

I struggled to let go and let our daughter do all the planning. John struggled to let go of the driving based on recommendations of friends who’d been there. We both had to let go of our desire to have every moment planned out. But by venturing out of our comfort zones and embracing this spontaneous opportunity, we were able to refresh ourselves and our relationship. The next time (and we hope that there is!) we won’t hesitate to say YES to an invitation to add a spontaneity spark to our marriage!