Married Couples: Are We Too Busy?

We often find our identity in what we accomplish. Our activities and responsibilities can build up until we are crushed beneath them. Are we so busy that we miss out on beauty, relationship, and belonging? Have we become ‘human doings’ rather than ‘human beings.’  It’s hard to grow our marriage if we’re too busy to BE with each other. 

Busy Families

JANINE: If you grew up on a farm like I did, you might remember the ‘breakneck’ pace of harvest or planting time.  During those busy days, both Dad and Mom were working intense hours and running on little sleep.  This extraordinary pace was for the short-term and my parents knew it was not sustainable.   

Sadly, running at the speed of “harvest season” can sometimes become the average pace for families – with the kids’ activities, family obligations, work, etc.  Not having time to rest or to simply ‘be together’ was a significant issue we needed to address in our marriage.   

Too Many Activities

KEN: I grew up in the city. I was in sports and boy scouts and fished and camped and watched TV and played video games and took music lessons and, and and…. As our kids grew up, I wanted them to have every opportunity, to have a competitive edge, and to excel. And I was willing to sacrifice time and dollars and stress to make it all happen. But eventually, we saw where that was taking us. There’s no end to “Keeping up with the Jones,” and our kids would likely not continue their musical instruments or sports into adulthood. All we were doing was sucking the life out of ourselves, our marriage, our family. Running around like 2 taxi drivers showed us… we were too darn busy. Finally, we had a family summit, sitting down with the kids to prioritize and simplify, and pronounced that there would be one sport and one music activity per kid at a time. We took the summer off from traveling sports to go on family camping trips. The kids loved it, and we made great memories.

Are we too busy? Do we fall into bed exhausted each night? Is our relationship suffering from a sort of “malnutrition?” How can our marriage thrive if we’re living on scraps (of time and attention)? (Here’s a related post from a few years ago, on this same topic: We Come First)

Simplify

If your schedule is robbing you of joy and the ability to be with the ones you love, it’s time to simplify. Examine every activity that takes you away from your spouse and children and determine if it’s worth the cost.  (Work-Life Balance?)

Then quit something… today. A habit, a hobby, a sport – whatever is robbing you of what’s most valuable. Give yourself permission to prioritize people over things and activities. 

Click here to find a list of questions to help you Re-evaluate as a couple.