Should We Call It Quits??

Is it even possible… to have a happy marriage? Isn’t everyone who looks happy really just pretending? We believe it IS possible to have a happy, thriving marriage. So before you think “should we call it quits?”, we hope you’ll read further. 

THE BEGINNING 

Most of us started out being in love, or we probably wouldn’t have gotten married. Even couples who are in arranged marriages that don’t start “in love” can learn to grow into love over time.   

In a study in Psychology Today, researchers compared relationship outcomes of arranged marriages to the more familiar ‘free choice’ marriages. They found absolutely no difference between arranged marriages and those in free-choice marriages on the four measures included in their study: Romantic Love, Friendship-based Love, Satisfaction and Commitment. 

THE MIDDLE 

This is where many of us are. We each eventually find ourselves in disillusionment and hit a downward spiral we don’t know how to pull out of. We can get so caught up in an unhealthy perspective or addiction or wallowing in hurts and refusing to forgive that we can’t see straight. We begin to wonder “Should we just call it quits?”. 

Most people in great marriages (if honest) would tell you they’ve had times of pain and suffering.  BUT they chose to push through the struggle and came out on the other side with a marriage that’s strong and fulfilling.  (Note: We’re not talking about marriages where someone is experiencing abuse. If you’re in a relationship where there is harmful behavior, we’re not suggesting that you should simply stick it out and things will get better.)

As a wise person once told us, “Just take the next step.”  When we start to make daily decisions to love (or to allow our spouse to love us), things just CHANGE.  

THE END 

Imagine what it’s like: to trust and be trusted, to be best friends, to have an awesome sex life, to want to be together. If you believed this is possible wouldn’t you do everything in your power for this to be true in your marriage? 

For those who might be wondering, “Should we call it quits?” or who think you would be happier if you did, read on. The Institute for American Values, a New York City think tank, conducted research from 1987 to 2016 and found: 

• Unhappily married adults who divorced or separated were no happier than unhappily married adults who stayed married.  
• Divorce didn’t reduce symptoms of depression or raise self-esteem.  
• Two out of three unhappy married adults who avoided divorce or separation five years later reported that their feelings had changed and they were once again happily married. 
• Only 20% of those who remarried were happily remarried. 
• Those who divorced were no more likely to report emotional and psychological improvements than those who stayed married. 
• The most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds.  
• Many currently happily married spouses have had extended periods of marital unhappiness. 

We’d like to refer you back to our last post: The 7 Best Things We’ve Done For Our Marriage. Read it and pick the one thing on the list that seems most relevant to you, and DO IT! Then work your way through the list. Then… write us back and tell us how amazing your marriage has become!