The Power of Gratitude in Marriage

Sharing gratitude for a spouse is the most important predictor of the quality of marriage. This study shows expressing thanks for your partner can protect your marriage from the toxic effects of conflict and hardship. This is true even in the face of financial stress or negative communication patterns.

Gratitude expresses appreciation for what you have. This is in contrast to constantly reaching for something new hoping it will make you happier. Simply sharing gratitude can lead to increase in physical health and happiness as noted in this study Studies have also shown there are relationship benefits to gratitude such as:

Decreased focus on self
Increased forgiveness
Improved conflict resolution
Better self-image (more passion in the bedroom)

In a healthy relationship both partners invest time and energy for the wellbeing of the family. When this investment goes unnoticed resentment and a judgement that your efforts are taken for granted builds. A simple “thanks” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way.

MF: We have found sharing gratitude is a great way to end our day as we tuck in for the night. 2024 has been a difficult year for us and this practice has kept us appreciative of each other and focused on the positive in our lives.

I try to make these statement specific. For example, “Your kindness when you left the light on when I came home late.” This is more meaningful than a generic ‘your kindness.’ One of Tom’s greatest qualities is his generosity. “Your generosity in bringing me a pumpkin spice latte to work” can make his day. “Your creativity in using leftovers to fix a delicious dinner” is specific and sets the tone for a great evening.

Expressing Gratitude Funds your Emotional Bank Account

MF: These simple statements of gratitude create a positive balance in our emotional bank account. Expressing gratitude for the gifts of our spouse keeps our emotional bank account full. Because of this we are more likely to overlook each other’s faults or simple mistakes. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts of this practice is enabling us to reframe unkind thoughts.

Reframing Unkind Thoughts

TOM: Life happens. For me, this could be a kitchen full of dirty dishes, or feeling nagged or pressured to leave on time. These can trigger unkind thoughts. I have found a habit of sharing gratitude is like having a teleprompter. It helps me reframe the situation into something which I appreciate, even in the heat of the moment.

An example of reframing unkind thoughts might look like overlooking a kitchen full of dirty dishes and reframe my thoughts to: “Wow! Dinner smells wonderful!”

Even when I am frustrated with a packed schedule, I can pause and reframe my unkind thoughts. I can reflect my appreciation for MF by stating: “I appreciate your desire to get stuff done.” This sets the tone for my suggestion: “I wonder if we could look at the schedule. I was hoping we could take in a movie this weekend.”

In both of these examples, I am not denying my frustration with the sink full of dirty dishes or a packed schedule, but rather prioritizing my appreciation and gratitude for MF.

Reframing your thoughts about the situation may seem daunting. This is especially true when your first impulse is anything but pretty. Trust us, miracles happen when your heart is full of gratitude for your spouse. What better time to focus on gratitude with Thanksgiving on the horizon. We invite you to join us in making 2025 a Year of Sharing Gratitude.