Finding Joy Through Vulnerability

Julie

Vulnerability can be scary.  In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”  Uncertainty?  Risk? Emotional Exposure?  Who wants to sign up for that?

Well, actually, we all did when we said, “I do.”  In promising to love each other and give ourselves completely to one another, we basically said, “ I will love you even when you are struggling, even when you are weak, even when you are hurting.  You are safe with me.”

John

Intentionally being deep and vulnerable with each other’s thoughts and feelings can strengthen our bond as lovers and partners.  It protects against the inevitable life storms that come along. We can liken it to camping.  When we are setting up camp, we are intentional.  We prepare to weather potential storms.  We look for a protective and slightly elevated location for our tent so that we will not be floating if rain comes.   We pound the tent stakes deep into the ground so that they can withstand howling winds. . The depth of our tent stakes in the ground is proportional to  the ability of the tent to withstand stormy winds.  By deeply opening and probing into each other’s hearts and minds, we set our foundation to be storm resistant.  We may sway slightly in the howling winds around us, but together we remain standing strong. 

Julie

When I was struggling in my job and wanted to quit, I didn’t want to admit my weakness to John.  I thought I should just be tough, which really just resulted in me being temperamental and crabby.  When I opened up to John about what was going on inside of me, he didn’t pooh-pooh my feelings or judge me to be a failure.  He just listened and hugged me tightly.  He  encouraged me and told me my gifts and talents could perhaps be put to better use elsewhere.  I felt valued and loved by his reaction.  By making myself vulnerable, something that could have torn us apart ended up bringing us closer together.  

John

Julie and I recently opened up deeply to one another about a very difficult health-related situation in our extended family.  We had a few differences in our reactions and approaches to what was happening, which caused some friction.  But when we were intentionally open and vulnerable to one another by sitting down together and sharing our thoughts and feelings about this, the empathy we shared allowed us to remain strong as partners even amidst the swirling chaos around us.  As a result of making ourselves vulnerable to each other, we came home from an emotional family meeting united rather than being driven apart by the stormy winds.  We also felt the deep-seated comfort that comes from knowing we are on the same page in this difficult situation.

Julie

Vulnerability can be intimidating, but it has the ability to deepen and strengthen  our marriage like nothing else.  It has even brought us great joy, inspiring us to keep trying.  As Brené Brown noted in her TED Talk , “The Power of Vulnerability,”  vulnerability is “also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”  And who, after all, doesn’t want to sign up for that?