Out of the Mouth of Babes
Out of the Mouth of Babes . . . Several weeks ago, we got a 7-month old standard poodle, Jazzy. Our 2 cats were quite perturbed as they had not been included in the decision. They were rampant with emotion and the cat tree became their safe haven.
The Cat Dilemma
Tom: Elijah is part Maine Coon, quite the love and typically fearless to the point of stupidity. One night after Jazzy’s arrival, Tom was checking the 2 cats in for the night. He reached up to stroke Elijah who rolled over, faced the wall and literally flipped his tail in the air. Enough said.
Cat Dialogue
The next day, our grandson was playing with Jazzy and I found our 8-year-old granddaughter standing in the cat tree, engaged in conversation with Elijah and Liz. I asked what was up, and she said: “Grandpa, I’m narrating their feelings.” She proceeded to tell me: “Elijah is sad, angry and rejected . . . He doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll come around. It’s gonna take time, Grandpa.”
Out of the Mouth of Babes
If we all had an 8-year-old to help us express and understand our feelings life would be much easier. She engaged the cats in their safe place, empathized with their plight and ‘helped’ them express what was going on inside. She nailed it which is what we attempt to do in Dialogue. If you are unfamiliar with the process, check out this link.
Truth Be Told . . .
. . . the cats weren’t the only ones struggling with the new addition. Fortunately we had a vacation week to facilitate this adjustment but returning to work stirred some angst for both of us. Unfortunately, finger pointing and a “We should have . . . ” comment led to an angry outburst from both of us.
MF: Tom’s tone stung more like “You should have . . . ” and I went ballistic. Truth be told, we both knew our decision was not impulsive and it was a mutual decision, so why were we fighting? God has a funny way of dropping gifts into our lives that challenge us. He does have a sense of humor.
Anger Over the Top
We have learned when our anger is over the top, we have some serious work to do. (Check this link.) We found our safe space and helped each other ‘narrate’ a barrage of feelings. Behind the wall of anger, we both felt grief as a great vacation was coming to an end.
Leaving Jazz in her crate when we return to work stirred feelings of remorse, regret and heavy heartedness for me. Dang! Life is not easy! As we talked, I realized my explosion of anger was an attempt to protect me from these hidden feelings. Naming them left me feeling more vulnerable, but gave Tom the opportunity to love me even more.
Tom also acknowledged his frustration with our schedules and we have been so bold as to sneak a puppy in the back door at work. This little mischief played together has been very healing!
Healing in the Shadows
Heed the warning signs of anger that is over the top or comes from out of nowhere. The next time you are taken by surprise with unexplained anger, we encourage you to find your safe space and explore with courage and compassion those feelings of vulnerability lurking in the shadows. That is where healing and understanding begin. If an 8-year-old can finesse the pain and vulnerability behind anger, we can too!
