Someday Your Children Will Leave Home

“Someday, all of you children will leave home, and Dad and I will still be here. It is important that we still know each other when that day comes.”

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“Why Can’t We Go?”

Karen: This sentence was included in the eulogy I delivered at my mom’s funeral this past week. I recalled how mom married very young (seventeen!) and had six children in quick succession. To provide for our quickly growing family, my dad worked two jobs. Most of the parenting duties and family management were heaped on mom. And though those duties filled her days to the brim, mom never stopped being a wife. I recall many times watching mom and dad prepare for an evening out. It may have been as simple as a walk in the park or a movie night. And I remember the six of us whining, “Why can’t we go? We never get to go anywhere fun!”

Of all the words my mom has uttered over her lifetime of 89 years, the words at the beginning of this post are probably the words that had the most impact on my life. I learned at a very young age that marriage is the primary vocation. It remains even after the children leave home. And if we want our marriage to be healthy in our aging years, we must tend to our marriage in our younger years.

Time Just for Us

Scott: When our four children were young, Karen and I would make sure that we had time just for us.  We had frequent date nights when we could regenerate our relationship and recharge our batteries.  Each September, when the children would go back to school, I would take a week off work and Karen and I would have five “date days.” We spent time together golfing, having lunch out each day, and intimate time together. Each day we planned the next day’s date. We looked forward to this week all year long.

And every December, I took a day off in the middle of the week. We would head to the city to Christmas shop. And we always made it a point to buy chocolate covered cherries and eat lunch at the same Italian restaurant.  We would again come home with a regenerated relationship and recharged batteries.

Date days, staycations, shopping outings, all so that when our children left to be out on their own and we were alone, we would still know each other.

Lowers the Risk of Divorce

Did you know that going on dates when you have young children lessens the risk of divorce by 20%? The Power of Date Nights | Institute for Family Studies. Studies show that it is not so much about the date itself. It is more about the intention to keep your marriage a priority even when busy parenting and work schedules fight for that top spot.

Last week was chaotic, to be sure. We had out-of-town children and in-town grandchildren staying with us for seven nights. And when the last child and grandchild left our house, we had a choice to make. We could fall into our respective chairs, relish the silence, and veg out (tempting to be sure!) Or we could refresh ourselves, go out for a few hours, and expend some time and energy on ourselves. We are happy to say we chose the latter.

Thank you for your wise words, Mom. Even in death we hear them. Now we share them with you, dear reader. May mom’s words bear fruit in your lives as they continue to bear fruit in ours.

Date Nights – The Couples Post