The Real Challenge of a Relationship

“The real challenge of a relationship is not in loving. The real challenge of a relationship is in allowing ourselves to be loved.”

We heard this statement at a recent day of reflection we attended, entitled, “Living a Life of Freedom.” The program was presented by Paul Coutinho, Ph.D. Dr. Coutinho spoke of the importance of relationships, both with God and with each other. Dr. Coutinho went on to say that we can only truly love when we are loved. God’s Love Cannot Be Contained – Sacred Doorways

It is often easier to love

Scott: The challenge of being loved is certainly true in our relationship. Loving Karen does not come hard for me. When we met, I quickly and easily fell in love with her. She was and is everything I wanted in a woman.  Karen is beautiful.  She is intelligent.  I am amazed at how easily she makes friends. And oh how she listens! Her strong faith inspires me and many.  Karen is the full package.

Early in our relationship I often wondered how she could possibly love me.  It was so much easier for me to love her than allow myself to be loved by her. I remember sharing this with Karen. She was not a bit deterred. She just loved me more. I can still remember how freeing it was to finally allow myself to accept her love. I experienced a marvelous feeling of relief and peace.  And my love for Karen grew stronger.  I was able to more genuinely love her in return. Yes, I see truth in Dr. Coutinho’s statement, “We can only TRULY love when we are loved.” 

Soak in the love!

Karen: I believe I had a pretty healthy dose of love in my early life. But some later life experiences caused me to question my lovability. I was attracted to Scott when we met. But it was a long journey to finally accepting his love for me. Gratefully, Scott stayed the course. And when I began to accept Scott’s love for me, I soaked it in. And I still soak it in to this day. I love it when he brings me coffee in the morning or puts gas in my car. I especially love it when he tells me I am beautiful and intelligent. Through his love for me, I am coming to believe it.  

How about you? Is it easier for you to love your spouse than allow yourself to be loved? Dr. Coutinho urges us to soak in the love of our spouse like a sponge absorbs water. Feel the love of your spouse. Soak it in. Believe it. The love we soak in will then leak out of us…back onto our beloved. And even onto the world.