Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Last week we were separated by a business trip. We made a point of connecting with each other each day over the phone, but the physical separation and reality of being in two very separate places is always a bit of a struggle for us.
Jen: This business trip involved Nick traveling and me staying home. When Nick is gone, I go into utility mode. I make my daily task lists and check them off, but my motivation is off and checking things off my list doesn’t produce the same satisfaction. Ultimately, I will end the day going to bed alone.
Nick: When I’m away on business, I realize all the ways I take being together with Jen for granted. It’s great to meet colleagues who I’d only seen on screens, but the end of the day is still hollow as I finish up in a sterile hotel room on an unfamiliar bed. Even at the end of a great and productive workday with awesome people, I’m wishing I could teleport home to be with Jen again.
Reunited and it Feels so Good
Jen: Getting back together after travel is always a relief. Since my love language is physical touch, the first hug I get from Nick is always a surprise and a comfort combined. It’s a realization of the ‘thing’ that was missing while he was away. I’m always amazed at how much of a shift in attitude I go through when I know Nick is on his way home. It’s almost like life was on hold while he was gone and will resume when he arrives.
There is a part of me that thinks, “This is ridiculous. I can certainly survive without Nick for a few days.” And that part of me is not wrong, I can survive. But having Nick gone is a reminder to me of how much joy I find in the everyday when we are together. It is a joy I take for granted most of the time.
Nick: Being at home again is reassuring to me. There is no doubt the connection built when we’re together provides the reserves to make it through being apart. Many times though, I find myself wishing I would always avoid taking Jen for granted. I wish I could tell myself in those moments apart: “You have it so good. You should tell Jen how much you enjoy being with her and appreciate the time you have together.”
Cherishing Every Day
When we are separated we realize how much we enjoy the little things that connect us in the day to day – waking up together and getting the day started, stealing a quick kiss when we both arrive at home after work, figuring out who is going to make dinner, making sure the kids have everything they need and tag-teaming when necessary, and of course, sneaking away for a little date here and there when we can, etc. These are things we need to appreciate whether we are together or not. What if we never had time apart? Do we need time apart to recognize the joy in the time we have together? Not if we choose to live each day together as the gift that it is.
