Will It Matter Tomorrow?

Will it matter tomorrow . . . if the avocados were too firm to slice for salad tonight? Will it matter tomorrow if the dishwasher wasn’t loaded the way you load it? What if a favorite cotton sweater got dried on high heat with the bath towels? Will it matter tomorrow?

Men Crave Respect

MF:

Tom loves to help and if he is the last one to turn out the lights, the dishes will be cleaned and the coffee ready to go for the morning. Like most men, he craves appreciation and acknowledgment, a simple thank you. Recently, this need has been generalized as “Respect.”

Women on the other hand crave love — and that’s a whole ‘nother topic!

Men Equate Respect with Capability and Competence

Shaunti Feldhahn, an author, speaker and blogger conducted a survey which showed 74% of men would rather feel unloved than disrespected. In a relationship, respect communicates trust. Respect tells Tom, I believe in you. I support you. It says you are capable and competent as a husband and father.

Will It Matter Tomorrow . . .

When Tom goes out of his way to pick up avocados, will it matter tomorrow if they are rock hard? Absolutely not. I have learned from my sarcastic comments that a good rule of thumb is: If it won’t matter tomorrow, it’s not worth a critical comment today.

Tom, and men in general, have more emotional vulnerability than we realize. A denial of Tom’s competence in the produce aisle is a big deal — especially after he’s checked multiple avocados to find the absolute best one. A critical comment can come across as a sucker punch and land us in the boxing ring.

Lingering Consequences . . .

Tom:

On the other hand, the sweater I shrunk 2 sizes had lingering consequences. Several days later MF affirmed me for helping with the laundry and reassured me the sweater was no big deal. But now I always ask before I put any of her clothes in the dryer.

A Lingering Consequence I Will Never Forget

35 years ago, our son’s pre-school teacher suggested to MF we wait another year to start him in kindergarten. He had a late summer birthday. That evening, MF raised the subject with me and I immediately became defensive. After-all, I started kindergarten just after my 5th birthday and did just fine!

MF let my defensive outburst go, and read a well-documented research article. She waited until the next weekend to bring up the topic again when we had plenty of time to talk. She shared the article with me and we discussed the issues with social maturity in boys who are young for their class. The article and her kind and gentle tone opened my eyes. I even began to wonder what it might have been like had I been held back a year.

Waiting to bring up this topic of discussion gave me time to cool off and reflect. This topic was not about me and my capabilities. It was about wanting the best for our son. MF gave me the benefit of the doubt. She also gave me her patience and gift of time in approaching this topic. I felt respected, trusted, and sensed her confidence in my abilities as a husband and father. I recall that conversation as if it were yesterday!